


In a world that's too loud

by WolfKomoki



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Asperger Syndrome Au, Autism au, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 10:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4345823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfKomoki/pseuds/WolfKomoki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killian lives in a world that's too loud. He goes to Emma to help calm the storm inside of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Panic Attacks

**Author's Note:**

> Keep in mind this is an au. It hasn't been confirmed that Killian is Autistic, he probably isn't but I wrote this anyway. I only write Autism au's because I know so much about the subject and want to bring awareness.  
> You don't have to read this fanfiction if that kind of thing upsets you.  
> Anyway, Once Upon a time is owned by ABC. I don't own Thirteen Reasons why, the walkman, or Netflix. Okay?  
> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=14o680g)

          He walked outside the door to his house in the city and tried to cope. He was hearing the sound of the cars, people talking, people walking, the dogs barking, the birds tweeting, people yelling, people laughing, the sound of heels clacking against the road. The sun was blaring down the back of his neck and he was starting to get overwhelmed. He started running and running until he stopped completely. His hand started to flap as he tried to calm himself.

          Eventually he stopped and his heart started to beat very rapidly. His heart felt very heavy as it started beating rapidly. His throat feels very tight and he can’t breathe. _I’m going to die aren’t I?_ He thought. He was so scared of the world around him. It was loud, too loud.

          He was shaking now. David was running when he found Killian in the midst of a panic attack. His legs felt like jelly.

          “Killian?” He asked with concern. He was hyperventilating at this point.

          “Fuck! Killian?” David cursed. He didn’t have a clue what was going on with the pirate right now. He quickly got out his phone and dialed Emma.

          “Emma! I don’t know what’s wrong with Killian! He’s freaking out! You gotta help!” David shrieked into the phone.

          “Where are you?” Emma asked. David gave her directions and she arrived about two minutes later. Killian looked at Emma, still hyperventilating.

          “Breathe Killian. Can you do that?” Emma asked. _Killian? Who’s Killain?_ He thought. He looked at Emma and David though he wasn’t really seeing them.

          “Hook! Just breathe! In, out, in out. Can you do that?” Emma called.

Her voice sounded far away to Killian, like she was in a tunnel.

She grabbed his arm and pulled him somewhere quiet.

Killian immediately relaxed when it wasn’t as noisy.

          Finally he breathed after what seemed like an eternity.

          “God Killian, you scared me half to death!” Emma complained.

          “Sorry love.” He smiled. He was exhausted. Not breathing tends to do that to a person.

          “Let’s go back to David and let him you’re alright.” Emma suggested as they went back to David.

          “Is he okay now?” David asked, the shock of seeing him lose it still in his mind. Killian was too tired to speak so he looked at Emma, silently begging her to speak for him.

          “Yeah, he’s fine, but he’s tired.” Emma told him.

          “What was that? He scared me half to death.” David asked.

          “A panic attack.” Emma told him. Soon she took him to her house to rest. He woke the next day to find Emma sleeping on the couch. Smiling, he picked her up and carried her to her bed. He gently put her down and lay next to her as he watched her sleep. He grabbed a book and started reading it for a while. It was apparently called Thirteen Reasons Why and was by some bloke called Jay Asher.

          It was apparently about some kid named Clay listening to a girl named Hannah’s suicide tapes. Not that he actually knew what a cassette tape was, mind you, but it was an interesting read.

          “Killian?” Emma slowly woke after several hours to find him engrossed in one of her favorite books.

          “Are you okay?” She asked, sitting next to him.

          “Still tired, but fine.” He answered simply. She nodded and went to go make him breakfast—well the best she could make in the microwave anyway.

When it was done, she called into the room.

          “Killian! Come get breakfast!” She called. Killian marked his place in the book and went downstairs to meet Emma.

          “Swan? What’s a cassette?” Killian asked.

          “Oh um…it’s uh...it’s a thing used back in the day that holds recordings on it.” Emma said while digging out her old walkman and cassette tapes.

Killian grabbed it and was horribly confused. Emma chuckled and showed him how to use it.

          “You put the tape in here.” She instructed, pointing to the top. Killian did as she instructed. He still looked at it confused.

She chuckled again and put the headphones in the device.

          “Put these on your ears.” She told him. He did that and pushed the play button. After a while of listening he handed it back to Emma.

          “Hey, how are you feeling?” Emma asked.

          “Still tired love.” He told her. Emma smiled and grabbed his hand.

          “Want to snuggle up on the couch and watch Netflix?” She asked.

          “Not sure what that is but okay.” Killian told her. She chuckled. He really was lost in the modern world, which is something she found to be very adorable. Emma received a call from David.

          “Dad?” She asked.

          “How’s Killian?” David asked.

          “Still tired, but I think he’s okay.” Emma told him. And with that the phone call ended.

          “Okay Killian let’s—awww, that’s cute.” Emma said as she looked at Killian. He had fallen asleep on the couch. Emma chuckled and carried him to bed. He was heavy, but sleeping on the couch couldn’t be comfortable.

Once he was wrapped up Emma climbed in with him and they both fell asleep.

The next morning Killian had finally recovered from his panic attack. He left a note for Emma before returning to his own home.

**Swan, I didn’t want to wake you so I left you this note. Thanks for taking care of me, I’m going home now.- Killian**

          Emma woke to find the note. She read it and smiled as she texted Killian.

_Morning Hook._

Killian smiled and responded.

_Thanks for helping me by the way. I didn’t want you to have to see that but you did. Ah well, c’est la vie._

                   Emma chuckled and responded. _You should go see David. He’s worried about you._

Killian nodded and responded with _on my way._

          Killian didn’t own a car so he walked to David’s place. He knocked on the door, hoping he was there, otherwise he was standing out here like a fool.

Twenty minutes pass by without an answer and he started walking off.

          “Oh Killian! There you are! Sorry I just got home.” David smiled, carrying a load of groceries.

          “Need help?” Killian asked. David nodded and he took some of the bags inside.

 

 

 

 

         


	2. Shut Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian has a shutdown much to Emma's frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to incorporate others feelings of shutdowns as much as I could in this chapter.

          “How often do you have these attacks if you don’t mind my asking?” David asked the pirate. He was dating his daughter, so he had to know.

          “Way more often than I’d like.” He admitted.

          “You scared me to death you know. You were shaking and hyperventilating. I actually thought you were dying.” David told him.

          “So did I.” Killian admitted. Killian flapped his hand, happy that David didn’t make fun of him like so many people had.

David noticed his hand flapping and looked at him.

          “Is something wrong?” He asked. He was still learning about the pirate.

          “No not at all. I’m happy.” He told him.

          “Okay?” David stared at his hand.

          “Oh, right. This probably looks a little strange.” Killian muttered. Snow white arrived home from work and saw Killian on their couch.

          “Killian I didn’t know you came in. Are you feeling better?” She asked. Killian looked at the floor.

          “Yes, I am. Thank you.” He was still flapping.

          “Anyway, I should get going.” Killian said as he got up and left.

Once again he was met by the sounds of cars, people talking, people walking, the dogs barking, the birds tweeting, people yelling, people laughing, the sound of heels clacking against the road. The sun was blaring down the back of his neck and he was starting to get overwhelmed.

          He was so overwhelmed that all his senses shut down. His mind was shut down as well. He couldn’t hear anything. His hand doesn’t want to move. His legs feel like jelly. He wants to scream, but he can’t. He wants to speak, but he can’t. He’s trapped in his own body.

          He walks without conscious thought towards Granny’s Dinner. He slumps against the outside wall as he shuts the world out. He didn’t know who, what, or where he was. People walked in and out, but they didn’t notice him thinking he was probably drunk again. Henry was walking by when he noticed Killian slumped against the wall with his eyes closed.

          “Killian?” He asked with concern, shaking him a bit to try to get his attention. Killian didn’t respond which worried him.

          “Hey, talk to me! What’s the matter?” Henry called, still getting no response. He frowned and pulled on his arm, trying to get him to just get up. Killian didn’t budge. Henry grabbed his phone and dialed Emma’s number.

          “Mom?” He spoke into the phone, clearly afraid.

          “Henry? What’s wrong? Are you okay? Why do you have Killian’s phone?” Emma asked with concern.

          “I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I found him slumped against a wall and he won’t move. He isn’t responding to me either.” Henry explained.

          “Sit with him until I get there.” Emma told him as he hung up the phone. He sat by Killian as he waited for Emma. Emma arrived thirty minutes later and she grabbed Killian’s arm. She pulled him up and looked at him.

          “Killian darling, please open your eyes.” Emma begged. Killian finally opened his eyes to be blinded by the light. He shielded his eyes from the sun as he slowly got up. Henry got up and Emma took him to a quieter café to eat.

Once Killian finished his food he returned to his house, still unable to say a word. One day passed since then and Hook hasn’t left his house.

His phone received a text message as told by the beeping noise emanating from the speakers.

**Hook text me when you’re back okay?** - **Emma**

By back, she meant where ever it was Killian went to whenever he shuts down.

Hook stared at the message in his phone and tried to come up with a reply. Nope, nothing.

          Sighing, he threw the phone on the bed and lay upside down for a while as he slowly closed his eyes. Eventually he fell asleep. The next morning he was still feeling trapped. He went to eat some food and after that he curled into the fetal position on the floor. Yet again, he got a text. **Hook? You okay? Text me please.-Emma**

It had been three days, _three bloody days_ and he still felt trapped inside his own body. He grabbed the phone and replied to the message. **Having a shutdown. Can’t think coherently for very long.-Killian**

Emma sighed. When Killian was like this it could last up to a week. She just wanted to talk to him, and she can’t.

Killian opened up the book he borrowed from swam and attempting to read it to hopefully come out of his shutdown.

          However, his mind couldn’t comprehend the meaning of the words so he slammed the book down in frustration. He went to sleep in his room after eating some dinner. It had now been four days.

          Killian could feel his legs again. This was a good indication that he was slowly coming out of the shutdown. He received a message.

**Hey how are you feeling today?-Emma**

He grabbed the phone. **Still shut down, but I can feel my legs so that’s a start.-Killian**

Now that he could feel his legs again he decided to go outside for some fresh air.

          He breathed in the fresh air that he hadn’t had since his shut down started. Soon he found himself going back inside to lay on the couch.

Eventually he went back to his room and fell asleep with his phone on the end table. Soon morning passed making it five days since his attack. He could finally feel his hand. He got another text.

**Hey Killian how are you?-Emma**

He replied. **I can feel my hand again.-Killian**

          He was so frustrated. He wants to scream at the top of his lungs, but he can’t. He wants to call Emma on the phone and tell her to get over here but he can’t. Silently, he kicks the nightstand.

          Later he makes some food for himself and he tries to read the book he borrowed. The words still didn’t make sense to him so he went to sleep.

The next morning he was finally out of his shutdown.

 

 

 


	3. Meltdown

          Everything was just too much. Everyone expects him to be able to function in society when the world sounded like one loud sound muddled mess of sounds was just too much. And Emma, oh Emma was the worst. _I thought she understood. I thought she was the one person who accepts what I have. Boy was I wrong._

          In Killian’s eyes Emma was yet another person who doesn’t accept that he can’t cope in this world. In reality, Emma was so tired from worrying about him that she didn’t know what to say. He wanted her to understand, is that too much to ask for?

          Suddenly he starts screaming at the top of his lungs in Granny’s diner.

          “Quiet down KILLIAN! There are paying customers here!” Granny snaps. This just makes him feel worse. He lashes out and knocks over the chairs, screaming at the top of his lungs. He runs out of the diner with tears in his eyes. He continues to run until he couldn’t anymore and he just collapsed into the grass as tears poured from his eyes.

          He just wanted someone to understand. Someone that wouldn’t dismiss his condition as him acting preposterous. He had thought Emma was the one, but she wasn’t.

         “Killian? Why are you crying?” Emma asked. Killian screamed when she spoke to him, as she had appeared out of nowhere.

          “Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” Emma told him. Killian got up and hugged Emma as he sobbed into her shoulder.

          “Shh…. Killian, it’s okay. Come on, let’s get you out of here.” Emma told him as she brought him to her apartment to hopefully make it quieter for him. Killian immediately calmed down and decided to play video games with Emma for a while.

          “Hey mom, hey Killian.” Henry said as he walked through the door with takeout.

          “My other mom ordered take out.” He told them as he put the food on the table.

          “Ooh, you’re playing Mario Kart. Can I join?” Henry asked.

          “Sure. Maybe you can help me with this bloody game.” Killian said as he handed him a third Nintendo-64 controller.

They played the game for most of the night until Henry was picked up by Regina. Emma and Killian ate the take out after sending part of it home with Henry.

          “You know time being still in Neverland is very strange. It’s always the same day every day while here time passes.” Killian admitted.

          “It was strange. People don’t age, there either. So you’re what like a million years old?” Emma joked.

          “I’m not _that_ old Swan!” He pouted.

          “I was joking Killian.” Emma chuckled.

          “Oh.” He said while scratching his head.

          “I almost drowned when I was a kid once.” Killian admitted.

          “Oh?” Emma asked.

          “Yeah, I was saved by this merman. He’s probably long gone by now, though.” Killian told her.

          “Hearing you say that would have made the old me think you had gone insane.” Emma chuckled.

          “If it’s any consolation, I like you no matter how are you are.” Killian said as he kissed her. Emma blushed and Killian chuckled.

          “Awww, you’re blushing.” He teased.

          “Am not!” She pouted.

          “Are too.” Killian teased.

          “What was that back at Granny’s?” Emma asked.

          “A meltdown.” Killian told her.

          “So you’re okay now?” Emma asked.

          “Fine. You?” He asked.

          “Perfectly fine.” She smiled.

          Killian fell asleep after that. Emma chuckled and shook his arm a bit.

          “Let’s sleep in a bed Killian.” She told him.

          “Don’t wanna.” He whined.

          “Couches aren’t made for sleeping in though.” Emma told him.

          “No.” He whined.

          “Please?” Emma begged. Killian groaned as she leads him to the bed.

Once he was there Emma climbed in with him and turned out the lights as they slept for the rest of the night. Killian woke up early the next morning and decided to sneak into the kitchen and make breakfast for Emma.

          After about an hour, Emma slowly got up and went to the kitchen.

          “ _You_ can cook?” She asked with shock. Killian laughed and kissed her.

          “Ha ha very funny.” He said sarcastically. They began to eat the food until Emma’s phone rang. She looked at the caller id and noticed that it was David.

          “Here Killian.” She handed him the phone. Killian sighed and grabbed the phone.

          “I’m alright David. Really.” Killian told him.

          “Maybe I want to hang out. You are dating my daughter after all.” David told him.

          “Maybe pick a quiet place this time?” Killian asked.

          “You’re not Hydrophobic are you?” David asked.

          “No, why?” Killian asked.

          “Maybe we could go for a swim?” David asked.

          “You know Dave you’ve become a creepy stalker.” Killian joked.

          “Wait really?” David asked.

          “I was joking. Sure.” Killian laughed.

After that, he left and went to go find David.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short. I have writer's block.


End file.
